Navigating disrespect from a place of connection
As a member of several "moms" groups on Facebook, I’ve noticed that a common challenge parents face is how to handle a child being disrespectful towards them or others.
Think about yourself for a moment. You’re probably a pretty respectful and kind person, right? But are there times when you might say or do something that could be seen as "disrespectful"? Likely, yes. And when that happens, it’s usually because you’re in a state of dysregulation.
Most instances of "disrespect" stem from dysregulation. Does that excuse the behavior? Not necessarily. (I say "not necessarily" because what’s disrespectful to one person may not be to another.)
So, how do you deal with this?
First, it's important to recognize that matching your child's dysregulation will only escalate the situation. The first step is to bring yourself back to a place of calm. With an older child, you might say something like:
"I see that you are [insert emotion]. I don’t like the way you are speaking to me, and I’m finding myself getting [insert emotion]. I’m going to step into the other room for a bit so we can both cool off, and then we can try to talk about this again."
Once everyone is calm, you can start to figure out what was going on underneath their words. Ask questions about how they are feeling and try to understand their perspective in a non-judgmental way.
After listening, brainstorm together different ways to approach such conversations in the future so that both you and your child feel seen and heard.
If you find this type of behavior particularly triggering and struggle to respond calmly, I recommend looking inward to understand why it affects you so deeply. One question I like to ask parents is, "If you behaved just like your child in this instance, how would your parents have responded?" Then consider, "How would you have liked them to respond?" These questions help develop empathy for your child and foster an understanding of their perspective.
Remember, we are all on the same team. It's not us against them; it's us against the problem.
That's a wrap!
As we wrap up, I'd love for you to share your experiences with disrespectful behavior from your child. 👇
And, if you enjoyed reading this, I would love for you to like my post or even share it with your friends!
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Brooke Outlaw
Conscious and Connected Parenting
609-501-8778
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