Why this Misunderstanding Happens
I recently saw a post on Threads that said this:
"Saw a video of a mom kissing her child after he legit slaps her in the face. I'm sorry but this is not gentle parenting, you're literally praising your child for hitting you."
At first, this post filled me with frustration. Time after time after time, people are bashing "gentle parenting," without truly understanding what it is that we actually do.
I took a deep breath and responded to the post with curiosity (this is what I try to do in my parenting, so why not here, right?). From there, we had a great conversation which led to the author sharing that from their experience these children seem to hit for such stupid reasons such as not getting what they want.
This author then went on to say that what they would recommend doing in that situation is holding their hands, stopping the child from hitting, and talking to the child in a sweet voice about how they are wrong and should not behave that way instead of coddling them.
And it was in this moment that I truly got an understanding of what this author was getting at. It seems clear to me that us "gentle parenting folks" (as you know by now, I prefer the phrase conscious and connected parenting and that is what I'll use from here on out), must not be communicating what exactly this type of parenting is.
Instead, a video like the one this author shared could be a mom showing how she was able to stop in the moment and connect with her child in a time of their dysregulation, which is such a beautiful thing!
And let me just say, there is nothing wrong with this video, but these types of videos do make it easy for others to view this as permissive parenting without more context.
With that said, it makes total sense why this author appears to be frustrated with these types of videos. I'd imagine that other gentle parents were praising the video probably because they understand what comes next in the gentle parenting process, while this author was sitting there completely confused as to why anyone would praise their child for hitting. Because, in reality, hitting is NOT okay. I think we can all agree on that there.
For us conscious and connected parents, we know that stopping the behavior to lecture our child about what they did was wrong or bad is not actually going to change the behavior, even if we say it in a "sweet" voice. And I say this with absolutely no shame to this author. I imagine they are coming from a good place, as are most parents.
But SO many of these videos exist, and these videos are NOT helping others to understand the benefits of conscious and connected parenting. Instead, it likely just turns them away even further.
So, if you are reading this, here are some takeaways that I got from my short conversation with this author. From my experience and in my own opinion, many people tend to think that...
Gentle parenting is simply about talking "sweetly" or "gently" with our children.
Showing affection to children while they are in a dysregulate is considered "coddling" and praises the behavior.
Telling the child in a calm way what they did wrong will change their behavior
That children behaving like this don't have a "valid reason" for doing so.
So, what can we do about it? Well, we can start sharing posts, videos, and blogs (like this one 😉) that share the WHOLE story about what conscious and connected parenting is all about.
That's a wrap!
As we wrap up, I'd love for you to share what other things would you add to this list in the comments below. 👇
And, if you enjoyed reading this, I would love for you to like my post or even share it with your friends!
Thanks for tuning in! For now, feel free to follow me on social media, join my Facebook group, or subscribe to my newsletter and get some freebies along the way. I'll leave links for all of that below.
Brooke Outlaw
Conscious and Connected Parenting
609-501-8778
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