Conscious and Connected Parenting Defined
In my first post, I mentioned being “Your Guide to Conscious Parenting”. But, what does that even mean?
Well, conscious parenting is all about being INTENTIONAL in how we interact with our children. This means that everything we say or do is done purposefully and with a specific outcome in mind.
However, when we are dysregulated, the “logical” part of our brain essentially goes offline and we are more likely to act on emotions alone. In order to be able to have those purposeful interactions with our children, the first thing we need to do is to become regulated.
And let me tell you…. Regulating ourselves can be HARD, especially when it’s the fifth time we’ve had to tell our children to stop hitting their siblings, or even when we’ve reminded our child at least ten times to clean their messy room. These frustrations can lead to dysregulation which can then lead to us acting from those emotions alone rather than RESPONDING in a more supportive way.
Before going any further, I want to address the fact that your frustrations are valid. It makes complete sense why you would be frustrated, and there is nothing wrong with feeling this way.
And at the same time, it also doesn’t mean that it will always be helpful to respond to your children while in this heightened state, especially knowing that the part of your brain that engages your logic will be much more difficult to access.
So, what I mean by “conscious” parenting is interacting with your children in an intentional way and while in a regulated state.
Now, what about the “connected” part in conscious and connected parenting?
Well, in this type of parenting we are consciously choosing to parent in a way that maintains connection with our child. This means that ideally, we would shy away from using more traditional parenting techniques such as punishments, yelling, shaming, or physical aggression.
But how do you get them to do what you need them to do if you are not punishing? Doesn’t that make it permissive parenting?
Nope.
And here’s an analogy to help you understand my reasoning…
Imagine you are at a new job and you don’t yet have the skills you need to perform your job fully because you need to be trained. Now imagine that while you were learning a new skill, you made a mistake. Would it be more helpful for your boss to yell at you for the mistake and potentially fire you it? Has this actually taught you how to fix the mistake and gain the skill you are lacking to perform your new job duties?
Or would it be more helpful for your boss to work alongside you to figure out why you are struggling with a certain skill and take steps on helping you to improve that skill?
See what I did there?
This same thing applies in parenting. When we maintain connection and choose to support our children to develop the skills they are lacking (which is likely being demonstrated by their undesired behavior), we can teach our children without punishing them.
As a summary, conscious and connected parenting means parenting in an intentional and purposeful way that focuses on maintaining connection with our children while supporting them to learn and grow.
That's a wrap!
As we wrap up, I encourage you to think of a recent scenario where you used a punishment with your child. What were they doing? What skill did they lack in that moment? If they didn’t lack a skill, what need was going unmet? How would you have liked your child to have behaved? Did your punishment help you achieve this goal?
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Brooke Outlaw
Conscious and Connected Parenting
609-501-8778
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